In Retrospect

Now that I have been home in Maine for a couple of days, I have had some time to reflect on the trip and everything that we did and saw. Before I get to that however, here is a quick recap of what we accomplished during the 80 hours that Ben, Noreen and I spent with Brian and Candace in San Fran.

We drank mojitos and listened to jazz in the Haight; watched the West Coast version of Sox/Yankees by seeing the Dodgers play the Giants; tasted wine and joined a wine club; rode the cable cars (watch your ass if you are on the street side of the car); went hiking up to the top of Mt. Tamalpais, saw the Golden Grate Bridge; walked through the Redwood Forests in Muir Woods, hung out at Pier 39 watching, listening and smelling the sea lions; we played 100 year old arcade games, found the “Full House” house; saw a submarine; drove through the Golden Gate park and saw bison, a windmill and a beautiful tulip garden; drank beers on the sidewalk in The Mission while watching Brian get kicked out of the burrito restaurant; we saw a giant camera at the Cliff House; made friends with cougars in The View and perhaps most surprisingly watched Noreen try Thai food for the first time and enjoy it! And… all of that was only scratching the surface of what the city has to offer its visitors.

Overall, this was one of the best vacations that I have ever taken. Driving across this country of ours is no small feat. It is an endurance test of your sanity and ability to be in a car of that long. One of the things we have talked about is wishing that we had more time to stop and see more of each city and place where we were. However, I suppose that even if you were fortunate enough to take an entire month off, you would probably still want more time. I am not even sure I could pick out what was my favorite part of the drive across to San Francisco – seeing the great plains and the huge farms which were 1000s of acres; driving through the deserts and seeing the canyons and ravines; watching mountain ranges thousands of feet tall rise out of nothing, seeing the mountains turn from brown to green again and the lush valleys of the west coast give way to the deep blue of the pacific ocean… it was all incredible.

Above all one of my favorite parts of the journey was the daily routine of racing the night sky across the country. As we were driving due west down the interstate with the sun setting in front of us, we could see dark night sky behind us racing to catch up. Ahead of us was the bright sun filled sky of day and behind us the eerie darkness of night. It would slowly envelope us in a rainbow of color – light blue to lavender to pink to orange to red to purple to dark blue to the black of night. We would see this parade of colors overtake us as the night came on and we would then be rewarded us by showering us with more stars than I have ever seen before. All that you would be able to see was total blackness and a star filled sky that seemed to stretch on forever in all directions, punctuated only by the occasional light of a farm house 20 miles off in the distance.

Overall this trip exposed me to areas of the county that I had only dreamed of seeing before. We met some interesting people along the way and were able to get the rare opportunity to see, smell, feel, taste and hear parts of the country in a very up close and personal way.

While I am a little sad that one of my best friends now lives 3000 miles away, I am glad that it is in a city which has so much to offer with a lady who I like a lot. I certainly can not wait to go back and see them again and to visit Alcatraz, go camping, visit wine country, see a museum or two, see the Castro, revisit The Mission (and remember it this time), and to experience everything else that the city and area has to offer!

Who knows… maybe I will have to drive out and see them again!

The Best And Worst of Cross Country Driving

Its been about 1 week since I've arrived in San Francisco and I've had a few days to put the roadie into perspective. I know how people love lists, so I've decided to lay out the best and worst of cross country traveling for folks who may or may not want to give it a try someday...

The Best...

5.) St. Louis Arch-Its a big metal arch that sticks out of the ground along the banks of the Mississippi River, but if you haven't seen it its bigger and more impressive than you can possibly imagine. I really hope to visit St. Louis again someday to take the elevator up the arch and scope out the Budweiser factory.

4.) The Change in Scenery-From The Atlantic Ocean, to forests, to wineries, to the Great Lakes, to Farmland, to Desert and mountains, to more farmland and mountains, and finally the mighty Pacific...there sure is a lot to look at while you're cruising across the country. It may not seem like it at the time, but when you step back and put the trip into perspective, there truly is!

3.) Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame-Jim Morrison's cub scout uniform, Michael Jackson's Grammy for Thriller, Elvis' Cadillac, plus lots of stuff for radio nerds like me. We spent 2 hours there and could have spent hours more if we didn't have to hit the road.

2.) The Pacific Coast Highway-Beautiful, picturesque, and legendary. Truly as awe inspiring as advertised, and with tons of camping spots and hiking trails I'm sure to return soon. Also just what you need to see after traveling for day through farmland and desert.

1.) The Grand Canyon-If its not on your list of things to see before you die, stop what you are doing right now and put it on. Words simply can't describe how breath taking the Grand Canyon is, and with hiking trails, mule rides, and great views from behind metal railings at the top there is a GC adventure for everybody.

The Worst...

5.) Niagara Falls-Beautiful and impressive, but after about 30 minutes I found the waterfall thing getting old. I really don't understand why people honeymoon there. I'd have a much better time vacationing in Boston or at a cabin on Lake Champlain.

4.) Oklahoma/Texas-After OK-City its hours and hours and hours of driving and the only cool thing we saw was a brush fire. The largest cross in the Western Hemisphere really didn't do much for us.

3.) Hotels with horrible internet connections-Nothing is worse than getting to a hotel after 8-12 hours in a car to upload pictures and blog, than having to deal with a terrible wifi signal. A process that takes a few minutes max at home can take hours when the internet connection is suspect. And yes, I'm talking about you Vagabond Inn in Bakersfield, CA.

2.) Las Vegas/Hoover Dam-Not boring, just not as exciting as I pictured them. After days and days of driving through nothing, I was disappointed to roll over the Hoover Dam, I found Lake Mead much more impressive and the mountains around it made the dam look pretty small in comparison. Vegas on the other hand was a tiny strip of casinos in the middle of the desert. All crammed together and not as impressive as its legend would have you believe.

1.) Arizona-Home of officer 5920 and his $190 speeding tickets, poor quality jeans that are available at J.C. Penny, and that nasty sugary ice tea. The only thing Arizona has going for it is a giant hole in the desert (see Grand Canyon) that hopefully someday will envelop the entire state.

Friends Gone, Time to Recover

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Sunday we caught the final pre-season game between the Dodgers and Giants at the ballpark across the street. A 3-1 victory. The game was fast paced, the garlic fries were fantastic, and I'm pretty sure everyone had a good time. I'm looking forward to seeing many games this season. I've never dreamed of living this close to a major league ballpark. Wish it was Fenway!

Yesterday we took Noreen on the "Full House" tour of San Francisco then went to the beach, and on to Muir Woods to see some big ass Red Wood Trees. I've seen them before, but they are still as impressive as my first visit. I think Chris and Ben were equally awed by the massive size of the giant sequoias. No uncomfortably tense moments with strangers yesterday which is a good thing because my 3 d-bag friends are now on their flight home while I'm stuck trying to learn the ropes in my new city. The last thing I need is a jacked Australian dude in a wife beater pounding me to smitherines because Ben tells him to "be a man!"

Another thing that I hope doesn't turn into a pattern here is the way the Thai food place around the corner boxes up meals. I had about 1/3 of a plate left at dinner last night and I asked to waiter to box it for me. He only boxed the rice...Where the hell are my chicken and veggies? As delicious as plain brown rice is, I'd be much happier with a little sauce to help it slide down.

Come On, Be A Man

“Oh I am a man”

Such is the exchange that we had with a rather burly Australian man in the beer aisle of Safeway. We were discussing why the hell anyone would ever want to drink Bud Light or Bud with Clamato juice (Clam juice and Tomato juice for those inquiring minds out there). We discussed with this man with Ben, Brian and I trying to convince him to buy it. After Ben leaned in close to him and said “Come on, be a man” he turned and looked at Ben and for a moment we all thought Ben was going to be punched out. Instead of that he responded slowly in his thick Australian accent “Oh, I am a man!” and walked away. Such was our encounter with the “Stranger of the Day”.


Yesterday we were further blessed by great weather. Remind me when I get home to send Mother Nature a telegram thanking her for beautiful weather that we have had since I left Maine over a week ago.

After the Farmers Market yesterday we had a realization session at Candace’s. Powernaps, Tea and snacks while lounging in the sun were on order. After a couple of hours we headed in town to catch a ride on a Cable Car down to Fisherman’s Warf. We all landed spots on the car where you hang off the side while cruising along the streets. Brian, Candace and Nor scored spots on the sidewalk side of the car, with Noreen having the money spot in front. Ben and I on the other hand had the street side of the car. Consider this a fair warning if you ever want to hang off the side of a Cable Car.: Suck in your guts and tuck in your ass cheeks. There were a few times where we almost clipped cars going in the other direction because we were essentially hanging out over the middle yellow lines in the road.

We hopped off the car at the top of Lombard Street and walked down and did the tourist thing of standing in the middle of the road and tying up traffic while taking pictures. We wandered down to Ghirardelli Square after that where after seeing gigantic tubs of chocolate being made. We then wandered over to a wine tasting where after 7-8 generous tastings Ben and I were suckered into joining their wine club. In a few weeks we will be having half a case wine delivered to The Borough!

After the wine, we were feeling pretty smiley so we headed down to the Quarter Arcade and played some really old video games. They had games and amusement machines which were over 100 years old! Some of them were lame, others were fascinating. Some were downright creepy… most notably the 1920s “porn” viewers. We then ambled on over to the Pier 39 Sea Lions where we were greeted by the site of the Sea Lions playing and fighting and barking.

After our adventures out in the city we headed back to Candace’s to cook our fresh handmade ravioli and drink the bottles of wine from the tasting room. A pretty chill day in the city which I seem to like more and more each day. Today’s agenda includes drinking beer, eating food, drinking beer and then heading down to see the Giants take on the Dodges in the final exhibition game of the Spring Training season.

I can not wait to boo the shit out of Manny.

The First 24

Ben and Noreen landed in San Francisco 24 hours ago and in that time we have had quite a whirlwind adventure. We started off at O’Neills Pub around the corner from where Candace lives. The food was so-so but the beer was tasty. We then took off for a drive around the city including a jaunt down Lombard Street and a spin though Chinatown on our way to Golden Gate Park. After that it was a drive up some more of the curviest most dangerous roads that I have ever seen, to the top of Mt. Tamalpais. From the top parking lot a quick ½ mile hike yielded some stunning views of the entire Bay Area. Despite it being windy enough to the point we were looking for Dorothy to come flying in, it was a beautiful day for the walk up the mountain.

We then drove back into the city to the Haight – Ashbury neighborhood for some dinner and jazz. The jazz club that we were at was Club Deluxe and the band was tremendous. The drinks of the night were primarily mojitos and a “SPA Collins”. Both of which were stronger than they were delicious. And they were SUPER tasty. After our first sip, we looked at each other and knew it was going to be one of “those” nights. We met some of Candace’s friends and spent a few hours talking with them and listening to the band. After several more mojitos, G&Ts and a couple of shots, we were off and running. Noreen and Ben had been awake for about 24 hours at this point and while Candace brought Noreen back to the apartment to got to sleep, Ben, Brian and I went to The Utah, a bar around the corner, for a night cap or three. After a bizarre discussion about how good Maine Blueberries are with the doorman, and despite the realization that the ratio of women to men was 1:83 we knew it was time for a drink. We had a couple of beers and listened to some more music while admiring the King Tut bust that had antlers attached to it. After a couple rounds it was about 2:00 AM and we decided we should go back home and call it a night.

We walked back to Brian and Candace’s and introduced Candace’s apartment building to which can only be described as the Drunken Maine Tornado. Stumbling into the apartment like a bull in a china shop, we came across the Flying Monkey on the table which was just begging to be thrown around. If you have never had the joy of shooting the flying monkey through the air, the arms act more or less like a slingshot which catapults the monkey through the air. And as it flies, it releases a screeching howling monkey sound at about 428 decibels for 20 seconds You can only imagine what that sounded like with Ben, Brian and myself launching it around the apartment for 30 minutes… at 2:00 AM. How Noreen did not wake up with a screeching monkey flying over her head, will be one of the great all time mysteries of mankind. I am fairly certain that the Officer 5920 heard it all the way from Arizona and was preparing to write us a ticket for disorderly conduct. Luckily the exhaustion of the day finally took over and we settled down for a few hours of shut eye.

This morning, we decided to walk off the fuzz in our brains by heading to the Farmers Market which is on one of the piers with outstanding views of the Bay Bridge. It was a beautiful morning and after coffee and food we walked around picking out the fresh ingredients to make our dinner tonight. For now, it is off to ride some cable cars, dinner and then drinks in The Mission followed by some relaxing in the hot tub.

I love vacation.

Monkey's Away!

Day 1 in San Francisco, The Golden Gate Bridge, Mt. Tam, and out to the Haight after grabbing Noreen and Ben at the Airport mid afternoon. Luckily we had a perfect sunny day to see the GGB and to drive up and hike the mountain to experience majestic views of the city. Its great having 3 of my best friends visiting my first weekend in SF. I like playing tour guide in my new home and encourage everyone to look me up when they're in town. My cousin Brenda from Michigan will tell you I'm a pretty bitchin' tour guide. I have fond memories of dragging her all over Maine, with her at the wheel, before I had my drivers license.

Club Deluxe is a jazz club with cool music, a bar tender with a killer mostache, and Mojitos that will get you to the altered state of mind you seek in a delicious kind of way. After the club Ben, Chris, and I had a fellas night cap at Hotel Utah, a dive bar down the street. We arrived home shortly before 2am, broke out the flying monkey and decided it would be a great idea to fling him around the apartment at each other, while Candace, Noreen, and Sheridan (Candace's roommate)tried to get some sleep. That alone coupled with the sound of 3 grown men giggling made a ton of noise, but add in the fact that the monkey makes a loud screeching sound when you sling shot him into the air and it must have sounded like a marching band came over for a middle of the night parade through the living room. I still don't understand how the ladies slept through it all.

San Francisco at Last!

We pulled in about 7:00 PM Pacific Time to San Francisco. The home of such things as Alcatraz, the Grateful Dead and most importantly the setting of the hit Robert Redford film “Sneakers” (which was completely robbed of an Oscar by the way). When we arrived we unloaded Brian’s stuff and sat down for a night of relaxation: homemade pizza and wine; followed by a walk down to the San Francisco Giants stadium and McCovey cove. It was exactly what the doctor ordered after the long week. Well that and a couple of swigs of Goslings Black Rum out of our swanky new shot glasses, courtesy of the state of Oklahoma.

This morning was a fabulous breakfast – homemade biscuits (courtesy of Candace), jams and fresh fruits. My body is not sure how to react to the change. For the past week we have been having shitty hotel breakfasts, even worse coffee and the prospect of having to be in the car for 14 hours. Not today though. Today, it was awesome food, great coffee and the joy of knowing that we have arrived and that the rest of the weekend would soon be spent with Ben and Noreen exploring one of the more fascinating cities in the country.

I am not sure what today’s adventures will bring but it will be fun to spend some time in a city for more than just five hours of sleeping. Part of me is a little sad that we will not be partnering up with Hoots and the Maine Train again. The Maine Train has been our home for the last week and at times through the desert, when there was no cell phone coverage for days, Hoots was the only other person that would talk to us. Well, except for the bat-shit crazies that we met along the way That being said to be honest, I am sure as hell glad to not be getting into the car for 15 hours again.. Living your life at 83.2 MPH for days on end (with the occasional burst into the 90s) is enough to a) make you want to choke yourself with the Flying Monkey and b) get a speeding ticket.

Here’s to San Francisco.

Here are the stats from yesterday:

Miles Traveled: 351.7
Overall Speed: 34.6 MPH
Moving Speed: 48.9 MPH
Max Speed: 82.6
Moving Time: 7:11
Stopped Time: 2:59
Overall Time: 10:10
Wineries Passed: 1,328*

*Approximate

Also do not forget to check out all of the pictures from Niagra Falls to Cleveland to St. Louis to the Grand Canyon and everything in between at http://picasaweb.google.com/bpelletier2

Breakfast in San Francisco

After leaving the California Coast we headed through the Artichoke capital of the world, the garlic capital of the world, and steamed The Maine Train up the 101 heading full speed ahead for San Francisco. I love High Occupancy Volume lanes on the highway, pretty much as long as you have a passenger with you, you can buzz right past the bumper to bumper gridlock waving and smiling at all the people traveling solo.

Then we hit the Bay Bridge, the 4 dollar toll was worth the view for a couple of guys who aren't super familiar with the city, but the traffic made me want to jump off the Bay Bridge into the frigid waters below. Maybe Californians have trouble counting to 4, or maybe the toll attendants have a hard time making change in $1 increments. What ever the case I felt like throwing excrement at some of the motorists. It reminded me of baby pigs fighting for their mother's teet. Everyone trying to be the first to push their way through the nipple that is the toll plaza. After making it through the toll, we rolled over to Treasure Island and then into my city. Candace was waiting for us. We unpacked the Maine Train and settled in for the evening.

This morning Candace cooked biscuits. It was the first home cooking we've had in the past week and it was superb. Our mutual friend Ben and Chris's lovely wife Noreen, aka "The Ax", are flying in tonight for a weekend of adventure. Tonight Candace's west coast friends and my buddies from Maine meet face to face. The only thing that would make it more interesting is a dance-off!

Thank Goodness for Pacific Blue

And no, I am not talking about the hit television series starring Mario Lopez and his dimples.

After five long days of driving across America we finally gazed down upon the deep blue colors of the Pacific Ocean. California definitely made use work for it though. From strange discussions with old people, more flat farm land and desert terrain, ridge line after ridge line of mountains… and the ultimate tease was seeing the ocean fog and sea smoke from about 30 miles away. We were so close we could feel it.

We left Bakersfield this morning after a long discussion about the pros and cons of the Canadian vs. United States healthcare systems. No I am not kidding. We were in the hotel lobby with 8 other people with a median age of about 74. Most of whom thought that operating the Belgian waffle maker was akin to piloting the Space Shuttle. Speaking of the Space Shuttle the orange juice that they served this morning was actually Tang. Again I am not kidding. This was especially amusing because 10 minutes down the highway was a farm with hundreds of acres of orange groves. Sadly the hotel did not have any vodka for Tang Screwdrivers, nor did they have the Tang mix handy so I could make a Belgian Tang Waffle – a distant cousin to the Tangcake.

Once outside of Bakersfield we drove through about another hour of farmland. It in fact reminded me a lot of Oklahoma with farms that stretched out as far as the eye can see. The major difference of course is that things here were green, vibrant and growing. Add to that a) there was variety in the farms – vineyards, orange groves, apple orchards, assorted veggies – and b) they have mountains which encircled the valley floor. Everything added up to being pretty spectacular. After we made it through the farmland we again entered into a series of mountain ridges. They first started off in the same vein as the desert in that they were huge and their features were well defined and they had the dessert colors of brown and tan. But as we made it closer and closer to the ocean things became alive again.

The desert like terrain made way to lush green pastures and mountains that had the Happy Cows roaming across them. With every ridge crested the anticipation grew more and more. Hoots only added to the taunting as well because she kept showing us the ocean on the screen and it was moving closer and closer. It was brutal. After 3500 miles and five days… most of which was spent traversing the Great Plains and the Deserts of the Southwest we were ready for the sight of the ocean. The money shot came once we pulled onto the Pacific Coast Highway – California State Route 1 – where we saw it, our first glimpses of the Pacific Ocean.

We pulled into one of the first state parks and got out of the car. After some deep breaths, taking in the cool ocean air that we know so well I was off and running. It was Hasselhoff time. I had been looking forward to the dive into the Pacific Ocean ever since Brian asked me to join him on this journey. So we went on down to the beach, I walked up to the water line where Brian was kind enough to inform that the water was freezing. I waded in a bit to get a sense of what I was getting into and then it was off and running.

I started running into the water ready to jump in headfirst as if I had no regard for human life. However instead of ending up in a smooth Hasselhoff-esque dive into the water, I more or less fell flat on my face. The bottom of the ocean was not the firm sand that I was used to. It was more like loose gravel and instead of propelling me through the air like I was expecting, the foot that I was jumping off of ended up going straight down about a foot so I ended up in a full face plant.

What can I say, no one ever accused me of being graceful. It is okay though… because in just a few hours I will be drinking some wine with one of my best gals Candace and her unemployed beatnik man (and traveling companion) Brian. And then… no more driving.

California Coast

The theme of the scenery over the past few has been desolation, today was just the opposite. We left Bakersfield with a full tank of gas and much like prolific running backs have a nose for the goal line, we had a nose for the Pacific Ocean. We hopped onto Highway 46 and headed toward the coast. We passed wineries, orchards, groves, farmland, through mountains, construction zones and finally after much anticipation, steering wheel banging, and talk about Chris’ first encounter with the “other ocean” we arrived. I pulled off into the first beach access spot I could find and while Byrne slapped on his swim trunks I strolled down to the water.

I rolled up my jeans and stuck my feet in to test the temperature, it was damn cold! I surely didn’t want to emulate what Chris was about to do. Soon he came barreling down to the beach in his trunks, carrying his freshly stolen towel from the Vagabond Inn. It wasn’t long before I snapped a few pictures of him diving face first into the water. I was about the least gracious thing I’ve ever seen. I should have video taped it, but the pictures give his plunge some degree of justice (Unlike the Arizona Highway Patrol).

After snapping off some more photos, and talking a fisherman into taking our picture we were on our way to Big Sur. The drive up was absolutely beautiful. The scenery looked like it was the creation of an illustrator giant 25-hundred foot mountains rising up out of the sea reaching toward a nearly cloudless sky. We stopped for a yummy lunch at Neptune, where a self proclaimed “fat guy”, who was also our waiter taught us that the only way to eat French fries is to dip them into a mixture of ketchup and pepper sauce. I got to admit, it wasn’t half bad.

So here we are, a little more than 2 hours before we reach our final destination and the excitement of arriving is finally starting to set in. I’m excited to reach my new home, hangout with my friends for an extended weekend, and throw my arms around the old lady!

California Dreaming

After we left the Grand Canyon today, we booted on out with destinations set for the Hoover Dam, Las Vegas and ultimately Bakersfield. So far we are two for two. As I begin to type we are traveling down CA-58 en route to Bakersfield about an hour away where I can find me some WiFi and put this day to bed. Literally. I am exhausted and want to sleep for like four days. However, as a good friend of mine likes to say “Sleep is for sissies!”

Today’s theme was desolation. We drove through some of the most barren empty, unforgiving looking landscape that we have seen yet. And that is saying something given some of the shitholes we have been through since Sunday.

Over all today was another good day of traveling. As we stated before hiking in the Grand Canyon was unbelievable. That was definitely the highlight of the day as both the Hoover Dam and Vegas were impressive yet left me wanting more. The bummer about Hoover (the Dam not the vacuum cleaner or the former head of the FBI) was that we were unable to secure a good vantage point for the Hoover Dam with out forking over $12 bucks to park for 10 minutes to take 10 pictures. If we had more time, perhaps we could have spent more time there for a tour, etc. but it was not to be as there was road to be traveled. That being said it was intriguing to see the sheer size of everything and try and picture in my head how the hell they made it and put stuff where it was. And to top that off, Lake Meade looked absolutely incredible.

Next up was Vegas which was about 30 minutes away, mostly due to traffic. Almost immediately after getting out of Boulder City proper you could see Las Vegas down on the valley floor. The casinos stuck way out above all else and we could see them from about 25 miles away. There were a couple of thoughts that I had while driving down The Strip – one, I would like to come back here some day when there is time to explore the casinos, catch a show, etc. Do all of the things that make Vegas – Vegas. Well, everything except the prostitutes, marrying a stranger and seeing Carrot Top. The second thought was wondering what the chances were that we could pull off our own Oceans Thirteen type of heist… it would be Oceans Two. Until I realized that we are not master thieves (unless it is WiFi!), we do not have a knack for dressing in expensive tailored suits and we do not have a penchant for poorly executed dialogue. All in all, it took a little more than an hour to drive down the strip and then we bailed to hit the road.

To help motivate us as we headed to California, we sang Sheryl Crow’s “Leaving Las Vegas” a cappella until we crossed the line. Needless to say it took about 10 minutes because really… who likes that song? After crossing into California we drove through… yep you guessed it…. more desert. Although this time, it was a special desert. It was the Mojave Desert. Which provided some great mountain views and forests of cacti as far as the eye could see. It was kind of fun driving through here however, because it reminded me a lot of driving through Vermont. We drove through ridge after ridge with the highway twisting and turning as it wound itself around the various mountains. The only difference of course is that the deep, lush forests were replaced with barren, brown wasteland.

Overall however, I am glad to be in California finally. At the very least tomorrow will bring a real change of scenery and I am looking forward to diving into the Pacific Ocean.

Today’s Stats:

Miles Traveled: 562.5
Overall Speed: 50.3
Moving Speed: 63.1
Max Speed: 86.7
Moving Time: 8:54
Stopped Time: 2:16
Overall Time: 11:10
Number of Times Pulled Over: 0
Number of other Vehicles Pulled Over: 5
Number of Mule Tours Seen: 4
Number of Tumbleweeds Hit on Highway: 1

California Dreams Do Come True

Driving through the Mohave Desert with the sun in our faces is a great feeling, not because we’re rolling 80MPH and totally blind, but because finally after spending more than 48 hours in a car in the past 5 days, we are finally in California! Only 10 more hours to go till we land ourselves on Candace’s couch for some cocktails and a fine animated feature. As we roll though the cactus filled dessert, I’m thinking Ice Age.

After we said our final goodbyes to the Grand Canyon this morning we successfully navigated our way through Arizona up into Nevada. The highway advisory radio signals were flashing, so we spun our AM dial to 1610-just like in Maine, and we heard about construction on I-93 up to the Hoover Dam. The automated message said expect delays of up to an hour due to spring break traffic. After a short debate about taking an alternate route we decided to stick with 93, the decision payed off. “Smooth sailing” as one of my former radio colleagues used to say.

The Hoover Dam was rather impressive, but the mountains around it dwarf the man made construct. Lake Mead is quite a sight as well. After taking a few snap shots we rolled on up to Vegas. Took a spin down the strip decided that was enough and hoped back on the highway. I decided that I want to do Vegas when I have the means to do it properly. Although the thought of throwing the rest of my worldly possessions on the table for 1 round of craps did cross my mind.

As we were finishing up our drive in Arizona, we had an interesting discussion about how the Village People must have been modeled after the Southwest. We certainly saw lots of cowboys, policemen, Indians, and construction workers between New Mexico and California. If they only wore a little more leather and sang songs together, maybe the ones enforcing the law would not be such hard asses. We’ll see if I buy Arizona Jeans or Ice Tea ever again.

Tomorrow the plan is to leave semi early and roll up the California Coast to what’s left of Big Sur after last year’s fires. It’ll be Chris’s first time seeing the Pacific Ocean,, and he’s promising a dive into the water “no matter how cold it is”. The plan from there to head up to Oakland and over the Bay Bridge to get a great view of my new home! We dine in San Fran tomorrow.

Morning Hike

Hiking in the Grand Canyon was amazing, but totally backwards. You can run down all fancy-free but climbing back up is not as fun filled, not in the best shape of our lives we certainly did some huffing and puffing on the way back. Luckily nobody’s house was blown down. Chris and I arrived early and took in the sunrise before heading down the Bright Angel trail. Watching the shadows slowly recede in favor of the sun’s rays was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen. Hiking down the trail though reminded me a lot of Mario Kart…we managed to dodge several slick spots and other obsticles most of which consisted of a mixture of ice and mule dung. Chris nearly slipped at one point, but he quickly regained his footing before doing a header in a pile of dung. I’m glad he wasn’t hurt, but man that would have been funny! We definitely made the right decision to skip Zion this time around. I’ll be out west for a while, so hopefully we’ll be back this way soon.

Leaving the canyon totally sucks, but I’m looking forward to what today will bring. There is something to be said for the bright lights of Vegas following days of seeing nothing, no matter the variety. Also rolling into California for the first time will be a relief, I’ll finally be home!

Reverse Hiking

This morning we woke up at 5:00 AM to go to the Grand Canyon to witness the sunrise and to hit the Bright Angel Trail for a little hiking action. The Bright Angel trail will ultimately take you down to the Colorado River and to a camp ground about 10 miles away. That was a little much for our purposes today. Luckily there are a few different stops along the way that the US Park Service has created which breaks it up. We opted for the short one which is about 1 ½ - 2 miles and drops down about 2000 feet.

This was of course my first experience with what I think of as Reverse Hiking. Having to go down and then come back up. It was harder than I thought coming back up. Combine the fact that we were already starting to come back up at about the 4800 foot mark and also that I was following one Brian J. Pelletier back up (those of you who have hiked with him know how that goes) and I was pretty much sucking wind the entire time. Oh yeah, I am fat and out of shape too. That certainly did not help. Regardless, color me a fan of the good old fashioned “Go up then down” hiking. Score One for Maine.

That being said, the hike was absolutely outstanding. The views were breathtaking and you really felt just how small you were. We passed through a couple of caves in the trail and even saw some ancient glyphs which were on the sidewall of the trail and had been there for 1000s and 1000s of years. As we trekked deeper and deeper into the Canyon, the sun was rising and creating an unbelievable display of color and shadow highlighting different parts of the Canyon and illustrating its depth. The walls of the Canyon kept growing more and more until eventually you felt like you were under the edge completely. You could not make out where the top of the rim was. It was simply unbelievable.

Along the way we saw several asses. Both the large, all-terrain, extra heavy duty beast of burden kind, and the idiots who you can tell are miserable and just looking to make it a miserable for all involved. Luckily the large stinky hairy mammals outnumbered the people. There were several Mule Tour Groups who went down into the Canyon with a destination of the Colorado River. I think that if I ever come back here, I might look into that. It certainly would beat the hell out of hiking back up. Other than that, maybe I can petition the government to install and elevator.

We are now off from one extreme to the next. We are about to head out to Vegas (by way of the Hoover Dam). While there is no Canyon in Vegas, there are sure to be plenty of asses.

Road Trip Rewarded

As we walked from the car and approached the South Rim of the Grand Canyon we could tell that there was something cool on the other side of the trees. There was something in the air which just screamed awesome. Or perhaps it was the 40 mph winds trying to blow our faces off. Either way we knew we were in for a treat. Once we got to the edge of the Canyon and bore witness to one of the most magnificent things we have ever seen… we knew instantly that we were staying here tonight. There was not enough time. In order to give either Zion or The Grand Canyon its due respect, we had to spend more than 1-2 hours at each. So, sorry Zion… we shall be back.

We started off by walking around the South Rim Trail for several hours. All in all we probably walked around 4-5 miles of back and forth exploring. We would deviate from the path and find an outcropping to go climb out to, or a ledge to have our photo taken on.. At one point Brian mentioned that it was humorous that we kept taking photos of the same thing over and over and over again. But as we discussed it further, it was because every time you looked, from every different direction, it was never the same. The light was different, the angle was different. The view itself was different. Not to mention the depth. The canyons stretched on forever and ever. In every direction. There were multiple layers, colors, formations… there was so much to it all that it is nearly impossible to describe

We then stepped into an observation center along the trail to pick up some gifts and a trail map of the trail that we are going to be hiking tomorrow morning. It was at this time that I realized that the debit card which had been financing this little cross country mission has seemingly vanished into thin air. Awesome. However, determined to not let it run my day or my trip or the fact that I was here, we carried on. Good thing too, because as we walked along, we came across Weird Al Yankovic. We were so determined to get to the next vantage point that we did not even realize it at first until about two minutes later. And by that point, we decided to not disturb him as he was with his family.

Overall the Grand Canyon is simply breathtaking. As we were walking back towards the car we were discussing it and I told Brian that there is nothing like staring into the Grand Canyon to make you realize just how significant you truly are in the grand scheme of things.

As I sit here on the bed of our Hotel about 10 minutes away from the Grand Canyon I am glad that we stayed – no more driving tonight; we are going to get some real hiking in and will be able to see the sunrise over the Canyon; and I have enough time to sit here and drink a few beers and eat some pizza and actually relax.

On to the Stats:

Total Miles: 415.5
Overall Average: 61.4 MPH
Moving Average: 74.2 MPH
Max Speed: 99.1 MPH
Moving Time: 5:36
Stopped Time: 1:10
Total Time: 6:46
Number of Times Pulled Over: 1
Number of other vehicles: 0


Don't forget to check out all of the phots at http://picasaweb.google.com/bpelletier2

Because its the Grand Canyon!

So the original plan was for Chris and I to drive to the Grand Canyon then up to Zion in Utah and spend the night. That all changed about 30 seconds after we arrived at the G.C. It is awesome! To say the pictures don't give it justice is more than an understatement, I think it was on the stone tablets that God gave Moses "Thou shalt not make light of the majesty of the G.C." Seriously though, viewing it for a couple hours before making our way to Utah simply would not be the right thing to do. So here we are in Grand Canyon, Arizona awaiting the sunrise so we can head down and get some hiking in. If I wasn't so tired the anticipation would be maddening.

Getting pulled over sucks, getting a ticket in a state I've never been to makes me feel like an awfully bad boy. Cops can be terribly unfair at times especially officer #5920 with the Arizona Highway Patrol. I tried showing him some cleave, but 5920 wasn't having it...at least he didn't try to haul me off to jail, usually with my luck that's exactly what would have happened. I'm accepting donations from anyboy who reads this and takes pity, please make your check payable to the State of Arizona in care of the coolest out of work radio newsman in the world, Award Winning Journalist Brian Pelletier.

On a happier note we'll be entering California for the first time tomorrow. The plan is to find a place warm enough to camp, but cold enough for snuggling. Ha! Before that and afer the hike, we'll be hitting up the Hoover Dam and Vegas. Should be a fun day!

The Maine Train Busted

Question: “Where you guys coming from?”
Answer: “Maine.”
Question: “Today?”
Answer: “Yes. Today. Ass.”

Okay, maybe the exchange did not go quite like that. But the officer who pulled us over did ask us if we left Maine today. Really? How about the fact that he asked us where we were going when the sign for the Grand Canyon on the off-ramp to the Grand Canyon was right in front of us. It was one of those moments where I wish that I had the stones to respond “Out to the desert to bury the body in the trunk”. Alas, I did not. I was not driving. So we ended up with a ticket for traveling between 15 and 20 miles over the 75 mile per hour speed limit (This would be pursuant to Section 28-70102A3 of the Arizona Penal Code for those of you keeping score at home). At any rate Officer 5920 was not an entire douche, but a little. He threw out the “You know you could be arrested for going that fast.” Really? You could be arrested for being such an ass. Okay, again not really said, but we should have!

Other than the run in with office friendly, who let the record show, is only the second cop that we have seen since Oklahoma City (such is our shitty luck), today has been largely uneventful. Driving through New Mexico was awesome. The weather was perfect and driving through in between the plateaus and mountains was beautiful. It was crazy to think that we were ranging from 5000-7000 feet above sea level along the drive and there were still mountains which towered over every thing reaching up several thousand more feet. Believe when I say that I am a true lover of hiking in Maine and am devoted to the Maine 500 and all the great natural wonders that Maine offers. But these mountains out here… yikes. It would be like comparing Bradbury Mountain to Mt. Katahdin. It was pretty breathtaking.

As far as Arizona goes, I call “Shenanigans!” on this state for not partaking in the joys and wonders of Day Light Savings Time. Not only did it mess up our universe in terms of scheduling ourselves and our time line (which is changing hour-to-hour at this point) but it also had the nerve to give us a speeding ticket.

I must add that one thing that I will take away from this trip forever, is how many different varieties and flavors of “nothing” that we have seen. As we move further and further west, it always changes. There is always nothing, but it is a different nothing. And I must hand it to Arizona in this regard. They have had by far the widest range of nothing that we have seen yet. Wide expanses of fields, huge swaths of brown arid dessert, massive sections of deep Mars like red rock, deep impenetrable forests, huge snow covered mountains, there has been a lot of nothing to see and that is actually pretty cool.

New Mexico Land of Construction

New Mexico, Land of Enchantment, as the welcome to sign proclaims. I must admit he scenery sure beats Oklahoma and the Texas panhandle. Mountains, plateaus, deserts, and sporadic settlements dot the landscape on either side of highway 40. We could see the silhouettes of the gigantic mountains before we settled into our hotel in Albuquerque last night. This morning the sun shed some light on our surroundings and it was absolutely stunning. The one bad thing about New Mexico is the construction. They’re about 205 Miles of I-40 crossing the northern part of the state. It seems like 200 of those miles are under some sort of construction that closes at least one lane, the other 5 miles, through Albuquerque, are closed. As you can expect that made for some less than smooth sailing.

Another highlight of the New Mexico experience was the continental divide. It wasn’t much just a rest stop with a nice view of some mountains, and the plateau, coupled with a gift shop and a sign proclaiming that it was, in fact, the divide. We didn’t spend too much time there but the gift shop did have more cacti that the entire I-40 corridor, which was disappointing. At least we got to see a few wild roadside cacti, even though they weren’t the big ones like you see in the roadrunner cartoons, or on that Aerosmith Album Cover.

To Flagstaff for lunch then the G-C. And for my South Portland friends out there that’s Grand Canyon, not Griffin Club!

Want To See Some More?

Before we get rolling with our recaps of the Grand Canyon, it occured to us that you might want to see all of the pictures that we have taken. If feel so inclined make your way over to http://picasaweb.google.com/bpelletier2 and see what's there!

Finally we are at the hotel in Albuquerque after another long day on the road. Although at least this time as we sit down and look at the map, there is a real sense of accomplishment. We left Maine about 80 hours ago and we are now half way through New Mexico.

After we crossed into Texas, the thing that struck me the most, was that in Texas you could see much further than you could in Oklahoma, the land was that much flatter! And, even though you could see much further, there was actually less to see. That was until we came across the “Largest Cross in the Western Hemisphere”. We initially saw from about six miles away as it was by far the tallest thing on the horizon. After that, it was back to farmland and burning up asphalt on our way to Amarillo for gas and food.

We ate dinner at a Sonic (a surprisingly underwhelming experience given all the hype) and continued on with Brian at the helm. This was where we first met out friend who we then referred to as “Texas” or “Our Friend from Texas”. He was a big red pickup truck that would pass us, then slow way down and drop off the face of the planet only to reappear about 35 minutes later when he blew by us standing still. Mind you for a vast majority of Texas and New Mexico, we had the cruise control on about 82. Well, we played the leapfrog game several times before I finally got sick of him and decided to blow by him once and for all. So channeling my inner Cole Trickle, I dropped the hammer and said, “See ya later, clown!” and all that was left behind was the sound of our laughter as we yelled loudly and repeatedly at the New Mexico night sky – “MOVE IT OR LOOSE IT! THE MAINE TRAIN IS COMING THROUGH! WOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOO!”

Overall the drive was not too bad. It was mildly disappointing that it was night time because at one point, Hooters indicated that we were over 7000 feet above sea level and to watch scenery as we made that climb would have been pretty cool. To give you some perspective, Mount Washington is almost 6300 feet. We continued on through the New Mexico mountains lead by a crescent moon which helped light the way for us. We played leap frog a few more times with Texas until being forced off the highway unexpectedly when we were in Albuquerque. This is the second major city in the last two days which closed the major interstate that went through the middle of the city. Luckily we had Hooters who helped us to bring it on home. Now… it is time for sleep.

The End of Day Stats for Day Three:

Total Miles: 835.3
Overall Average: 63.5 MPH
Moving Average: 73.3 MPH
Max Speed: 99.3 MPH
Moving Time: 11:24
Stopped Time: 1:45
Total Time: 13:09
Number of Times Pulled Over: 0
Number of other vehicles: 1
# of Suspected HTs: 16

Oklahoma City is OK, and Where's My Cactus?

The day is winding down, we are fast approaching Las Vegas, no not the Vegas, Las Vegas, New Mexico, on our way to Albuquerque. We were certainly relieved to cross over into New Mexico and Mountain time. Hooters tells us that out currently altitude is 49-hundred feet. That’s nearly the height of Mount Kathadin Pretty amazing since we haven’t really noticed that we’ve been climbing.

Shortly after my last blog we swung by Oklahoma City to check out the sight of the Federal Building bombing. It was as an impressive of a sight as we’ve seen all day. A very fitting tribute to the 168 people that were needlessly murdered. It was 75 degrees and I’m sure that warm Oklahoma sun will leave this Franco-American lad a lovely shade of red. At least I wasn’t wearing my Speedo. After our stop in the city and an uncomfortable exchange with a man in need of some serious dental work (see Chris’s last post) we grabbed a couple of sammies and I wrestled with a plastic, life sized buffalo. I highly recommend you give it a try sometime.

The rest of Oklahoma took another 3 hours to drive through. We were overjoyed to arrive in Texas, until we realized it was Texas, flat you could see for miles, and there were lots of farms wind and regular. At least they didn’t charge us 7 dollars just to get through nothing like Oklahoma did. Chris have dubbed the Sooner State the Delaware of the west due to its pension for toll plazas that make no sense. Texas, on the other hand, provided the second coolest thing we saw all day the world’s largest cross. You could see it off the highway for about 6 miles, as it was the only thing taller than a house for about that distance.

We have yet to see our 1st cactus of the trip. That’s a disappointment, but that’s what we get for getting such a late start. We’re in New Mexico and its pitch black. Hopefully we’ll have a chance to see a few over the next 2 days. We’ll be in the Grand Canyon tomorrow, maybe Zion, maybe Vegas if there aren’t cactuses in any of those places I’m calling every tourist bureau in the South West United States to tell them about the class action lawsuit I’m about to file on behalf of cactus lovers everywhere. False advertising is terrible for the consumer. I learned that from my boy Ralph Nader.

“Oklahoma is the place for me!”

Yeah I don’t friggin’ think so. I feel like I have spent the last 7 years of my life in Oklahoma. The good news is that with a speed limit of 75 and wide open straight roads, there is nothing that they can do to stop us (outside of the 40 mile an hour winds and tumbleweeds that are being tossed at us).

While we were passing through the city we figured we should stop to visit the memorial for the Oklahoma City Bombing. Not the cheeriest of stops, but something that we thought we should check out while here. Because to be blunt I plan on never coming back to Oklahoma if I can ever help it.

Before heading out of the city, we stopped for some petrol and had our second odd yet kind of creepy and borderline funny interaction. As I was at the pump entering in the necessary information, I hear a voice behind me say “Y’all a laaaawwwwnnnnggg wwwwwweeeeeyyyy frim home ain’t yas?” I turned around and saw that I was staring at a just walked out of the film Deliverance. He was the type of fellow that made me afraid that he would kidnap me and lock me up in his basement forcing me to eat tapioca pudding and sing “Cats in the Cradle” his rabbits.

After a brief exchange of pleasantries and explaining to him that we were en route to California, he spun us a yarn about living in Los Angeles and how his kids grew up there and he loved working there as he made a ton of money. He then wrapped it up by loudly proclaiming “But my wife’s dead”. Umm… ok. After a quick display of empathy he responded with “Yeah it sucks.” And then walked into the store. Brian and I then made quick work of getting the hell out of OKC.

After that, the ride has been pretty calm outside of the high winds, the farm that was on fire (you could see the smoke billowing in the air for about 30 minutes before we even got there), tumbleweeds which we have been trying to avoid as they fly across the highway. I always kind of thought that they were fake. Nope. We watched an 18-wheeler collide with one and blow it to smithereens. Anyway, we’re done with Oklahoma and ready to take on Texas.

As of press time we were crossing into Texas. These are or stats as of 6:17 PM CT.

Overall Average: 62.8 MPH
Moving Average: 72.8 MPH
Max Speed: 92.9 MPH
Moving Time: 6:08
Stopped Time: 58 Minutes 46 Seconds
Total Time 7:08
Number of Times Pulled Over: 0
Number of other vehicles: 1
# of Suspected HTs: 9

Oklahoma is Not OK

The highway is surrounded by cows, the land is flatter than Kelly Ripa, and as my brother told me once, if your dog runs away you can watch it run for 3 days. That pretty much describes the terrain since Ohio, but the difference is the citizens of this God forsaken state believe they have the right to charge you for driving through it.

Really? What is in Oklahoma that is of any significance? At least Illinois has Chicago, Indiana-Indianapolis, and Missouri has a pretty impressive metal thingy sticking up from out of the ground, the only thing worth seeing in Oklahoma is the sight of the Oklahoma City Bombing, which is a horrible tragedy, just like the state it happened in. The only redeeming quality is the 75 MPH speed limit which they should boost to as fast as you car can go because once I’m outta here I promise I will NEVER come back.

Smooth sailing about an hour to OK City, lunch, then it’s a race to the Texas border.

Smuggling Bill

Bill. What a nice man. In that weird don’t let your children go near him unattended kind of way. Brian and I sat down to our breakfast this morning when Bill walked up and decided he wanted to sit with us. He was an older gent and definitely fit every preconceived notion that you had about the “average hick”. Not wanting to miss an opportunity to chat this man up I began conversing with him. If I only knew then, what I knew now. As I started to get into the meat of the conversation, Brian had to duck out to speak with Candace. Good thing too.

You see, pretty much everyone we have spoken to about our trip has replied with something like this: “Wow! Cross country driving from Maine to California! Good for you guys! Good luck in California! Safe travels!” Instead this is how it went down:

Bill: “What brings you guys through these parts?”
Me: “My friend Brian is moving to California. We left Maine two days ago and are headed to San Francisco”.
Bill: “Why the hell does he want to go to California? We are moving away from California because it is so terrible”
Me: (five seconds of uncomfortable silence) “Well, Brian’s lady lives in San Fran and he is moving to be with her.”
Bill: “Oh.” (20 seconds of silence) “Do they have kids?”
Me: “No.”
Bill: “Well then he shouldn’t go there. Everyone hates it there”.
Me: “Okay then. I have to leave now. Continued safe travels”

Maybe I need to rethink how cool it will be to meet people on this trip.

On a different note, Brian was Googling things to look at and see along the I-40 Corridor from Oklahoma to Albuquerque and came across a site that says “Along the I-40 corridor east from Albuquerque to Amarillo, Texas, I observed 37 suspected profile loads of human cargo driven by smugglers.”

Most people try and play the “Badiddle” Game or the License Plate Game. I did not realize that Spot the Smuggler was a game too. Apparently you have to do what you have to do when driving through 600 miles of corn field.

We are off to make I-40 our bitch.

Truck Stops, Porn Shops and Churches

That pretty much sums up the drive through Missouri tonight. All that we drove through were towns with 7 truck stops, 3 porn related business and 9 churches – punctuated by 30 minutes of nothing.

Saint Louis was interesting. While I knew that the Arch was going to be pretty big, I had no idea just how big. We found parking directly underneath the Arch right along the bank of the Mighty Mississippi. The Arch was so big, we ended up having to walk nearly a half mile away just to get the entire thing in one photograph. It was pretty spectacular. For the first time I felt like what others feel like when they look up at me. I am also glad that we were able to see it at night with the lights shining on it. The arch appeared to be that much more impressive as it was towering over us reaching far into the night sky.

After running around the park for a bit, we then hopped back into our noble steed to make off like bandits robbing a train. But not with out seeing if we locate the Budweiser Brewery. No such luck. Hooters did not have it listed in her “Attractions” menu and because I left my blackberry at home, we did not have a quick reference to locate it. We did have a listing for the St. Louis Brewery which we drove by in the off chance that it was it. However the place looked like it doubled as mob joint. Afraid that we would be instructed to go find our shine box, we decided to move on. The time was getting late and we had another 3:00-4:00 hour leg to go.

After wasting about 30 minutes driving around the city of St. Louis in desperate search of I-44 things finally got underway. Brian took us through the first part of the state getting us over to Rollah where we stopped at around 11:00 for some dinner. I then took over driving duties until we finally landed in Springfield, MO.

Overall though, I am pleased with our progress and happy that we are in Springfield tonight. Tomorrow is a huge day – we are pushing on all the way to the Grand Canyon (or at least trying to) so we can see the sunrise there. That’s the plan anyway. We shall see if we can execute it.

On to the stats for day two:

Total Miles Traveled: 769.8

Total Time for the Trip: 13 Hours 17 Minutes

Total Driving Time: 11 Hours 09 Minutes

Total Stoppage Time: 2 Hours 07 Minutes

Top Speed: 88.7 Miles Per Hour

Average Moving Speed: 69.0 Miles Per Hour

Overall Average Trip Speed (including Stoppage Time): 58.0 Miles Per Hour

Number of Times Pulled Over: 0

Number of Other Vehicles Pulled Over: 4

Freshly Squeezed Through the Gateway to The West

Starting a 12 and a half hour drive at noon is a bad idea, mostly because its a really long drive. Towards the end of it all you want to do is go as fast as possible to get to your destination, in this case Springfield, Mo, but your eyes end up getting so damn heavy that you fear you may do a little drifting if you go too fast. Its a wonder why so many truckers are hooked on amphetamines.

St. Louis was great! The Arch is gigantic, t-v, movies, even our pictures don't do it justice. If you haven't seen the gateway to the west in person, check it out sometime. It is certainly a sight for sore eyes after making it through the landmarkless plains of Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois. Not that those states don't have their own cool things to look at, but The Arch is an American Icon, just like yours truly!

Tomorrow is certain to be the longest day of our journey car-wise. The plan is to launch ourselves to the Grand Canyon by sunrise Tuesday for all the romance 2 straight men can handle. Not sure if that'll actually happen but if you don't shoot for the stars, you'll just end up howling at the moon. I think Yogi Berra once said that, any you all know how I love quoting Yankees!

Where the Effingham am I?

One of the questions that I was hoping to answer last night was “Does Cleveland Rock?” And while I can not say with 100% certainty that it does rock ((due to lack of time not lack of activities), we were off to a good start. There’s a seemingly vibrant nightlife area (which we did not even scratch the surface of), We also walked around and did not feel the need to wear Kevlar. And of course they have the Rock and Roll HOF.

As Brian referenced earlier, while he was giggling at the ridiculous clothes and at the size that Aretha used to be, I was intensely scrutinizing every inch of every guitar and bass that I could find. It was also cool to see hand written lyrics on hotel stationary, various contracts that artists have signed and they even had the Cub Scout uniform of Jim Morrison (he was docked one point on his uniform inspection due to sloppy trousers). But it was also really cool to see how they are building the history and origins of Rock and Roll – all the way back to the 20s, 30s and 40s – Woody Guthrie, Robert Johnson, Howlin’ Wolf, etc. It was pretty fascinating.

After we left Cleveland we knew we would have a long day a head of us. Brian drove for the first several hours getting us the rest of the way through Ohio and driving through some real nasty rain storms. We then switched it up in a border town where I had the distinct pleasure of taking advantage of the 70 MPH speed limit. The scenery can be descried very simply: farm, farm, farm, farm, Indianapolis, farm, farm, farm State Line However, the added bonus was the faster speed limit, where I accidentally set a max speed of 88.6mph. Oops. I drove us to the halfway point of Illinois – Effingham, IL. The gas station we stopped at had t-shirts for sale which said (among other things) “Where the Effingham am I?”; “Illinois – Where our Governors make our license plates”; “Illinois – The State of Corruption”.

For now, it is back to chasing the sun across the countryside listening to the Guitar Hero Radio Station. St. Louis here we come!

Busy Sunday

Today began with sunny skies in Cleveland. We walked the 5 or so city blocks from our hotel to Lake Erie, then on to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Which was super cool. Chris is the bassist for local super basement group the Este Ruggland Band, so he gravitated toward the guitars, while being a fashion plate, I was drawn to the clothes. There was a really cool cape that Mick Jagger wore that consisted of an American Flag and Union Jack stitched together. There is also a fantastic history of music listening exhibit, which features everything to phonographs to I-pods and batteries that weighed 5 pounds to the rechargeable watch battery sized things that run some of today’s mp3 players.

We left Cleveland at noonish, hit a hard and fast rain storm about half an hour later and another one before we even got to Columbus. After Columbus the land started getting really flat and more and more farms are speckling the landscape. People say the farms are boring, but I’m not sick of them yet. Its different from pine trees, forest, or the city scape we’ve become accustomed to.

After chowing down in Brookvile, Oh, we went Indy 500 on Indiana where the speed limit is 70 and some guy named Tom Raper sells RV’s and isn’t afraid to plaster his name, on giant billboards next to I-70. Another thing I learned about Indy is that the Lucas Oil Center, home of the Colts, is next to a toxic waste treatment facility. No wonder why the Colts make us hold our noses.

If you are unfamiliar with our Inaugural blog, Chris, Gordo, and I affectionately nicknamed the GPS “Hooters” on our way to D. C. Cheers to the folks who built Hooters because as soon as we crossed into the Central time zone and the state of Illinois her time automatically kicked back an hour. Thumbs down however to the folks at General Motors as my car clock needed to be manually turned back. No wonder why GM needs the bailout buckets. To St. Louis….

We Found the Beer... at the Winking Lizard.

Nothing caps off a long day of traveling like a couple of big ass beers. We tried two of the local neighborhood establishments and the first one pretty much sucked. It played shitty music, was empty and the bar tender was a complete ass. We slammed down our beers in desperate need to shake the Kelly Clarkson noise which was clanging in our ears. What we came across further down Prospect Street was the The Winking Lizard.

This place was pretty cool apparently there are a chain of these places around Ohio. It had a HUGE beer selection with over a hundred different beers available between bottle and draft. We opted for the Cleveland based Great Lakes Brewing. To help with the beer, we also grabbed a basket of spicy BBQ wings which were incredibly messy and equally as awesome. Although 15 hours in the car tomorrow might end up proving that decision was a mistake.

If you find yourself kicking around Ohio and come across The Winking Lizard it is worth a try, at least to have a beer! Additionally try and hunt down some Great Lakes Brewing beers… just don’t try to buy a six pack of it in Pennsylvania.

http://www.winkinglizard.com/
http://www.greatlakesbrewing.com/

Where Oh Where Has Our Beer Gone?

Finally we are at our Hotel in Cleveland – the lovely Hampton Inn Cleveland Downtown. It is amazing how an entire day on the road can wear you out! Luckily due to our perseverance and fortitude we made it to Cleveland where we hope to discover between tonight and tomorrow… does Cleveland in fact rock? Prior to us going out to find the answer, here are the stats and yet another reason to wonder why Pennsylvania is still a part of the Union...

This will probably not surprise anyone who has been through here before, but the lowlight of the day was definitely Pennsylvania. I was kind of surprised in a way, because we really were not in Pennsylvania for all that long so there was not much time to screw things up. But they sure did in spades. One of our goals as we cross this great country of ours, is to grab a six pack of local-ish beers from different spots as we travel through. We figured that we can have one or two a piece and then bring the rest to San Francisco to have a Beers of the Nation evening when Ben and Noreen arrive next weekend.

Weeeelll….. despite the fact that one can enter a store in Pennsylvania and purchase Fireworks, Guns, Ammo, Karate Weapons, Knives, Swords and other explosives (and probably hookers and blow too for all we know) you are NOT allowed to by “just a six pack”. Upon further discussion with the lady at the special beer depot that we had to seek out, you can not buy a 12 pack either. You can only buy 24 at a time! Now, back home while an inconvenience at times probably would not warrant much of a problem. However, when you are on a 4,000 mile journey in a car already overflowing with stuff, packing in 2 twelve packs is not really an option. Not to mention that we had never had the beer before so if it tasted like shit, than we were stuck with 24 nasty ass beers which no one would want.

Upon explanation of our dilemma and imploring her to at least let us purchase a 12er, the woman did offer a counter arrangement which she truly thought would help us in our desperate time of need – “I can sell you a warm 12er and a cold 12er. Will that help?”

(Insert about 12 seconds of confused silence here)

We left.

Now we shall never know how that Erie Brewing Co. beer would taste… stupid Pennsylvania. Maine may not allow you to purchase instruments of death when you go grocery shopping, but at least we can buy a friggin’ sixer…

Anyway on to the stats and then we are hunting down beer from the tap:


Total Miles Traveled: 802
Total Time for the Trip: 13 Hours 31 Minutes
Total Driving Time: 10 Hours 49 Minutes
Total Stoppage Time: Two Hours 42 Minutes
Top Speed: 86.8 Miles Per Hour
Average Moving Speed: 74.1 Miles Per Hour
Overall Average Trip Speed (including Stoppage Time): 59.4 Miles Per Hour.
Number of Times Pulled Over: 0
Number of Other Vehicles Pulled Over: 11

Niagara Falls, Pennsylvania Sucks, and Brian the Philosopher

We're in Cleveland baby!!! Rock and Roll Hall of Fame tomorrow before hitting the road for another long day.

Niagara Falls was beautiful. We visited the American side exclusively, because while the Canadian side probably had the better view (opposite of the falls), we decided that the American side was the only side done right. A state park with walkways along side the river and bridges over the rushing rapids were as beautiful as the falls themselves. While over in Canada falls watchers gathered on a patch of grass the size of my dad's front lawn in the shadow of hideous casino sky scrapers, a ridiculous looking Ferris wheel, and a knock off of the Seattle Space Needle. Leave it to Canada to turn a piece of natural beauty into Disney land for degenerate adults.

As Chris explained in his second blog, Pennsylvania sucks! You have to buy beer in 24 packs from a special beverage store, unless you buy it from a bar. What the hell are they Utah's renegade younger brother?

And finally "time is like a beard"-THINK ABOUT IT!

Shotgun Observations

Greetings from the Edge of Nowhere – Schulyer Service Area, New York.

After wolfing down some breakfast courtesy of Ben at we hit the road at 6:42 AM ET. At 6:43 AM ET Brian reminded him that his AAA Membership did help cover small amounts of Bail should the occasion arise where we need to use it.

For the first leg today Brian is our Pilot with me the First Mate in charge of journal entries, recording various statistics, passing out the snacks and flipping off the stupid people who get in our way. So far the trip has been very pleasant and we have been making decent time. As of press time here are our current stats:

Total Miles Traveled: 347.7
Total Time for the Trip: 5 Hours 6 Minutes
Total Driving Time: 4 Hours 50 Minutes
Total Stoppage Time: 16 Minutes
Top Speed: 86.8 Miles Per Hour
Average Moving Speed: 71.8 Miles Per Hour
Overall Average Trip Speed (including Stoppage Time): 68.1 Miles Per Hour.
Number of Times Pulled Over: 0
Number of Other Vehicles Pulled Over: 6

Our Current ETA to Niagara Falls is +/- 3:20 PM ET. Then it is on to Cleveland.

Overall the trip has been progressing well and I hope that we have continued success moving forward. This is aided by the weather being great (after a very foggy start) and traffic has been pretty light. Additionally with the assistance of Ben’s EZ-Pass we have not had to deal with any of those pesky Toll Booth workers. Probably the biggest hiccup in the adventure has been leaving Tebucky behind (my bad). So instead we are joined by the Flying Monkey who is looking forward to wreaking havoc across the United States.

Maine, NH, Mass Down...

Chris and I have made terrific time thus far. Our calculations have us arriving in Niagara falls in time to take some sexy day lit pictures for our legion of blog readers. I have not been to the falls since I was 3 so I'm really looking forward to re-experiencing their majestic beauty.

As I write I'm sitting in a "historic" rest stop in Utica, NY. We didn't stop for the "history" that happened here, rather it is likely the last vestige where we can buy gas before we ran completely out and thought it might be able to devour a couple of quarter pounders at the Mickey D's before everyone decided it was time for lunch.

Saying good bye to my dad this morning was tough, and heading over the fog covered Piscatiqua River Bridge into New Hampshire was also pretty sad because that's the last we'll see of Maine for a while. I may be shedding some tears for the place I will always consider my home, but my liver says good riddance.

Final Goodbyes

Its been an awe inspiring 24 hours. Last night I invited some people over to Thatcher's in South Portland for one final happy hour. People showed up in waves, 40-50 of them over the course of a few hours. Some from work, some from college, new friends, old friends, people I only sort of like but I tolerate because they only kind of smell. (Well maybe not the last one but I'm sure you get the picture.) It was really great to see everyone.

Today the old man cooked breakfast, I snuck back into PRG one last time to say "see ya" to the news staff, ran some errands, had lunch with the family at Ricetta's, and I'm about to finish packing. Talk about a busy day. I feel really weird today. Happy, depressed, anxious, self assured, excited, exhausted, prepared, but not ready are all emotions that I've experienced within the last hour. I am totally overwhelmed with the outpour of well wishings and the man it sucks your leavings. Its time to go, but a piece of me will always remain here.


Funnier and more adventurous posts to come, I promise!

Going Away Bash

Saturday night kicked off 2 weeks of festivities that will ultimately lead to the door step of my new home. My first mate for the cross country roadie, Chris, and our buddy Ben threw a sensational party for me which began with dinner at Bull Feeney's. The crab stuffed haddock is a dish I highly recommend. After dinner and a few drinks the real party started, I was given a bag that contained a cornucopia of dollar store items, a t-shirt with my face on it, and my personal favorite, underwear with my grill plastered to the front.

Chris and Ben ended up developing a check list that looked somewhat like this...

Car Bomb at Feeney's
Jell-o Shot at Foreplay
Chug a beer at 3 Dollar Dewey's
Tequila Shot at Oasis
PBR at Amigos
Give Wally's # to a random chick
Bonus: Give directions to his house
Jagerbombs after midnight
Pizza at Bills

Everyone was handed a piece of paper with the list on it and for good measure the checklist was printed on the back of my new t-shirt, most people were really excited to get to work on it.

The night was certainly eventful...The blow-up Monkey that has become a fixture at so many of our parties the past few years went crowd surfing at Foreplay. A guy with a mohawk tried to give me a weggie at 3 Dollar 's (thanks Megs and Ana). The shot of tequila was totally unnecessary. People were throwing darts at a picture of me at Amigos. Then we ended up at the Cactus Club, that place is a dark moist crevice on the Portland Bar scene. When I walked up to the door a gentleman leaving that bar puked in his own hands, that was an omen of the atrocity to come. Soon after taking our Jagerbomb shots, the 3 toothed pole dancers that work there started violating the Island Monkey. Doing dirty deeds with him until one of the patrons got insanely jealous ripped the monkey off the bar and popped him. We got over it in time for Bill's and Chris has since patched up our friend. But he'll never be quite the same.